Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
