Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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