another moral hangover. fuck.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In America we eat man semen.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
