oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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