he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
