Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
