I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
