Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize