i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
