Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
