Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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