The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
why is half of my head shaved?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
