2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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