How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
