some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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