Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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