I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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