Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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