dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
