Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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