if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
how drunk are you?
Several
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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