i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize