Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
