I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
