I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
