i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
