I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I can text with my tongue
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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