He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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