so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
