I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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