Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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