He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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