dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
