READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
