It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize