It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
