no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
