Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
