it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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