Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize