YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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