I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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