Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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