Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
