I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
