Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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