I feel great
I just peed on a car
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
