I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
