i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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