i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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