we're chasing vodka with high fives
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dear god my vagina.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
