Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
