hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
