Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize