I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
