she kept yelling 'call me bella'
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize