I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
