So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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