Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
