take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
