Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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