Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize