Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
