Everything about him screamed your future.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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